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Berkana Institute, Berkana Institute of Massage Therapy, Denver Massage School, Hygiene, Jill Berkana, Massage, massage therapist, Massage Therapy, Massage Therapy and Bodywork, Self Care
In my practice from 1990 to 2008, I served hundreds of clients, thousands of massages. Every new client I saw completed an intake form and I conducted an interview in order to know how best to serve them. This intake process should be a standard practice for every legitimate massage therapist. One of the questions on my intake form states “when was your last massage”. During the interview, I often asked my clients “would you be willing to share with me why it did not work out with your last therapist so I can be sure not to duplicate that experience?” This list is a compilation of what I have heard over the years.
Everything on this list either happened to a client of mine, a student of mine, or to me. Some of the infractions are extremely rare and completely awful, even resulting in therapists being reported. Some of the infractions I have heard dozens of times and are of a more subtle nature. Still, no matter what you think about the individual items on this list, these are reasons people have continued to look for another massage therapist to replace the one they worked with before. As an educator, a massage therapy expert and passionista, I know and I teach that when a client is on a table, all of their senses are cranked up to a much higher level of sensitivity. This is what makes some of these minor mistakes more upsetting to the client. When a client makes themselves completely vulnerable by offering the therapist the privilege to work with them, we, the therapists, must be on our A-Game at all times, providing nurturing, ethical, therapeutic and professional touch. Being sloppy is not rewarded with the loyalty of repeat clients.
On the first day of my program at the Berkana Institute of Massage Therapy in the Self Care and Hygiene class that I teach, I present this list. The students are always amazed, and the list usually grows from the conversations that the list provokes. My commitment to my students is that if they apply the principles we are teaching in technique, ethics, mindfulness and proven business practices they will be successful in this field. If a massage therapist manages to get someone on their table, the key to success is retention. Now, we are all born with an innate ability to provide nurturing compassionate touch to one another, and no one can teach this natural ability, but I can help my students figure out what conditioning from their life is getting in the way of their delivery of this normal skill, and I can teach them what NOT to do, and how to approach the beauty of compassionate and nurturing touch with industry professionalism and artistic grace.
With that…here is THE LIST:
- There was no interview or paperwork.
- She/he did not listen to me.
- She/he seemed rushed.
- The room was too cold.
- The room was too warm.
- The music was not relaxing.
- The music was too loud.
- The music was too provocative.
- She/he talked too much.
- She/he did not tell me what to expect.
- She/he did not explain to me what they were doing.
- She/he told me everything they were doing. I wanted to relax not have a play by play.
- She/he talked about themselves.
- She/he was arrogant and acted like they were better than me.
- She/he tried to sell me products.
- She/he used too much oil or cream and I felt greasy following the session.
- She/he used too little oil or cream and it pulled my skin and hair.
- She/he got cream in my hair and I had to go back to work.
- She/he pulled my hair repeatedly.
- She/he did not work on the areas I asked them to.
- She/he worked on areas I told them not to.
- By the time she/he got to my areas of concern, there was not enough time.
- The way she/he draped did not make me feel safe. I felt exposed and could not relax.
- The draping was too conservative to address my areas of concern.
- I felt she/he was too sensual, almost sexual with me.
- They did not seem competent with neck, and that is where my issues are.
- I felt she/he was not present with me. She/he felt distracted.
- Her/his approach felt like a recipe, it is always the same, like I’m a number.
- They leaned on me.
- I felt her/his breath on me.
- She/he had very bad breath.
- The massage oil was really smelly and I smelled for hours following the massage.
- I felt the fabric of her clothes touch me over and over.
- She/he did not go deep enough.
- She/he went way too deep and hurt me.
- The pressure was not consistent from body part to body part.
- She/he sniffled the whole time.
- She/he smelled like cigarettes.
- She/he smelled like onions and garlic.
- She/he smelled like a hippie.
- I’m an athlete and I want to work with someone who can help me with stretches.
- She/he wore some kind of smelly perfume or hair spray that gave me a headache.
- The pace was too fast.
- She/he wasted a lot of time with draping.
- They sweat on me. It was as if they were massaging me with their sweat.
- She/he said negative things about my body.
- I felt his/her cuticle scratch me over and over.
- I felt his/her nail.
- They scratched me.
- Their hands were rough.
- I saw a cut on their hand.
- They massaged over bones.
- The work was redundant and mechanical.
- Their toes were disgusting and dirty.
- They were not dressed professionally. He/she seemed to take no care of their personal appearance.
- I told them I had an injury and they forgot and started to work on it and now I’m screwed up.
- His/her teeth were not taken care of, and I thought if they can’t take care of their own teeth, how can they take care of me?
- She dragged her hair on me.
- She dressed too provocatively.
- I felt her breast on me.
- I felt him/her press his/her crotch on me.
- I think they were texting at one point.
- He massaged me with one hand a lot. I was wondering where his other hand was.
- He/she breathed heavy out of their mouth making a perverted sound.
- His/her pelvis kept running into my head when they massaged my back.
- They sneezed and did not wash their hands.
- They left the massage to do something.
- They passed gas.
- They answered the phone during the session.
- Something wet dropped on me.
- They had on bells which jingled the whole time.
- She cried on me. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she had just broken up with her boyfriend.
- The moves were too extreme and now I’m injured.
- When they came in the room they did not announce themselves.
- She/he did not check in on the depth.
- When I told her to go deeper, she did not.
- When I told her to go lighter, she did not.
- His hands trembled.
- The work felt tentative like they did not know what they were doing.
- The work felt erratic like they did not know what they were doing.
- The work did not feel complete.
- They made sloshy sounds with the cream.
- They made noise all around the room.
- Their voice was very irritating.
- He/she was late to start.
- They ended the work early and I sat there waiting for my husband to come out of his massage for 5 minutes!
- They ended my massage late and I had to pick up my daughter from kindergarten. Ruined my relaxed feeling.
- The location was not great for my commute.
- There were signs everywhere pressuring me to tip.
- There was no parking.
- Her available hours were impossible for my schedule.
- She was coughing/sneezing. I think she was sick
- The techniques felt creepy.
- The work felt abrupt and rough.
- The office was noisy.
- They did not protect my confidentiality and talked about me to my friend who is also their client.
- They got cream in my eyes.
- Before they tapoted me, he said “have you been a good girl or a bad girl”.
- The light was in my eyes.
- They put a drape over my eyes and it made me feel vulnerable.
- The face cradle was at the wrong angle and it hurt my neck.
- When I shook their hand it was like a limp noodle.
- Their voice was too loud.
- I had to walk though their house/personal space to get to the massage room.
- She put the drape into my butt crack.
- The office decorations had religious art that made me feel uncomfortable.
- There were too many stairs to go up and down, and in the winter there was ice on the stairs.
- The bathroom was dirty.
- They did not offer to massage my abdomen.
- I don’t think the sheets were clean. The whole office felt dirty.
- When I asked what the honey was for (Russian spa treatment) he said it’s to make you sweeter.
- I wore my underwear and he told me the massage would not be effective and I must remove them.
- They did not offer to massage my face.
- I have issues in my hips and I told them that. She/he never worked there.
- She said a prayer with my head in her hands.
- She “invoked” my spirit guides???
- She made me drink some kind of special water infused with crystal energy.
- He/she groaned and repeated my name when he/she worked.
- There was a mirror at the foot/head of the table.
- They cranked my neck to the side when they worked on it knowing I have a whiplash injury.
- They put their fingers in my belly button when they massaged my abdomen.
- They touched my nipples when they massaged my chest (male client)
- When I flipped over, the head rest was not set up.
- They dropped the lotion jar and it hit the floor.
- They had a big glob of massage cream on their arm that they dipped into throughout the session.
- They repeated the same stroke over and over again. It started to hurt.
- They found some sensitive areas but did not adjust their depth.
- It felt like I just paid $80 to have lotion applied to my body. It was not effective.
- The company tried to get me to sign an ongoing contract.
- They flirted with me and asked me if I wanted to hang out.
- I fell asleep and when I woke up the session was over. That was a really expensive nap. I wished they had woken me up.
- He/she was not warm and friendly, like you would expect a massage therapist to be.
- He/she hugged me, and I was not into it.
- She said “oh, you have so much cellulite on your thighs, I can help you with that.
- I felt like she was checking me out when I was flipping over.
- She were flaky…consistently rescheduling to accommodate her world travels.
- He stood me up!
Bodywork Art 
A lot to bear in mind when retaining clients.
So even if you’re not doing anything crazy like moaning the client’s name throughout the session, you have a lot of other issues to avoid.
Of course we don’t want to get cream in their eyes, answer phone during massage, not listen to their needs etc.
However there are some clients that you’re just not going to meet the needs of.
Wrong sex, wrong race or you might remind them of their ex’s new wife etc
It’s not always the therapists fault.
So whether you maintain a professional decorum, use hypo-allergenic lotion, heated table, permission to use essential oils etc… They may just not like the color of the carpet.
Great article!
I do my utmost to keep professional standards and an inviting massage area.
Thankfully I have rarely come across those extra needy people where nothing works for them. ..,but they’re out there
i have one – every time she massaged me, she said something like, “thank you heavenly jesus,” or “praise the lord,” or “hallelujah,” or “jesus help me with this massage,” etc. it was extremely stressful, to say the least.
oh wow….
honestly? Some of these are a little ridiculous. obviously many are disturbing. But we are all human and many of the smaller ones, are NOT a reason to leave your therapist. they seem more like product of fall out from client/therapist communication downfall. Of course you must communicate as a therapist. but I’ve found that many clients don’t have a clue what they want, what they need, what good for them, and simply don’t know how to communicate any of that to their therapist, hence many of the small mistakes on this list. Those clients will continue to go from massage to massage being disappointed. Make sure your very clear with your clients and sometimes reading between the lines, and repeating back to them what you have heard from them. that can cut a lot of that down. However, it is impossible to please everybody. Leaving a therapist because they sniffed a little? Really? Clients need to remember that we are human as well. we can’t drop them when they pass gas on the table, we kind of expect it. Yet we have no such luxury of understanding( the gas one may not be the best example, guess it depends on…other factors) Apparently I have just been really fortunate to have great clients that love what I do. I appreciate them even more after reading this list.
I feel that at least 50% of this list can be eliminated simply by practicing the basic rules of engagement that every massage therapist should have learned in massage school, specifically around hygiene and boundaries. Yes, we are human. Clients who are not happy won’t leave you because you drop your jar on the floor, but if you are late, the bathroom is dirty, your draping sucks and you drop your cream on the floor they will leave you. Clients will also never return for one of the more major infractions listed. We make mistakes…we always will, and we must continue to be mindful and at least KNOW when we make a mistake and apologize for disrupting our client when we do. This is not about us. We have all signed up for a profession to SERVE, and we want to serve up one of the most intimate forms of professional touch there is. We need to be aware and act accordingly. When I go to the dentist, I expect them to know and practice the professionalism of his or her industry, and as a massage client I expect a massage therapist to have the appropriate tools to practice a high level of professionalism. If they don’t, I’m going to keep looking.
Great list! Easy to forget every single person who comes is investing their time, money and interest every time! It pays to be mindful of the many nuances in our trade.
and making themselves completely vulnerable. Thanks Howard. 😉
Thanks for the list. Just curious, how do you suggest one wakes their client up if they fall asleep during a session? This one seems like a strange reason to leave a therapist since as far as sleeping during a massage is concerned each person has a different perspective. Many of my clients have fallen asleep during a massage and expressed satisfaction in that. Do you suggest that a therapist asks during intake whether or not the client prefers to be awakened if they fall asleep? Leaving a client asleep in the room after the massage has finished is inconsiderate and not ok, but I just know that some of my clients would be pretty upset if I woke them up during their ‘expensive nap’ before the session was over.
The first time it happens I would gently say their name and bring them into conscious awareness and check in with them on preference. For example: ” Mary? You are dozing off, do you want to doze off or do you want me to help keep you more present?” From that point on I know her preference and I can support what that is. I agree with you, however, a client wanting deep treatment type work and getting a relaxing fell asleep massage might be very disappointed. Furthermore, if you are working with a client who has a history of abuse it can feel threatening to wake up 15 minutes later while someone is touching your body.
Tapotement lol
Jill, Thank you for highlighting the true nature of things.
A skill that not enough time or attention is spent on, in my opinion, is developing the ability to read and understand where each client is coming from and what their needs and preferences are.
Touch is a powerful tool and should not only be used to give a massage, but also to interpret the subtle reactions of a client to things that you are (or aren’t) doing. Asking appropriately timed questions and giving choices is also a great way to clarify a client’s preferences. ( “Do you prefer oil or creme?” , ” Would you like me to adjust my pressure?”, “What type of music do you like to listen to when receiving a massage?”) If you get the sense that a client isn’t completely relaxed, try to understand why. Ignore at your own risk.
Some of these are really good and I plan to share this with my staff so that we are ALL mindful of the things that clients want/need even if they don’t communicate these things to us. There are a bunch of things that are just ridiculous though… dropping things like your lotion bottle happens to the best of us. If something like that upsets you enough to leave a good therapist then you probably need a lot more than massage!
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interesting… as a massage instructor, can you please give me permission to share this with my students??
thank you very much
Yes please do!
Great list, thank you for sharing. I’ll be linking to this for this for sure. I had the same intake question same for a few years, quite a few years ago, and now really wish I’d kept it. However, the answers were almost monotonously similar: variations on “too much pressure” were the most common answers by far … followed by “not enough pressure.”
🙂 thanks Paul
I took issue with several of these but personally and mostly with the one about trembling hands.
Having had an essential tremor since I was 15, it’s hard to hide from people and certain situations can make it worse. However, in the interview process for my current job it was pointed out that the ability to add vibration to every stroke gives me an advantage over my friends in the field who have to work harder to vibrate.
As such, instead of hiding it from clients or pretending it’s not there, I address it before heading into the treatment room. I let them know that it will add to their relaxation much like when a baby is gently rocked to sleep. Also, built in vibration while doing cross fiber friction is much more effective. Tell the client beforehand and it eliminates a potential loss. I’ve never heard a complaint.
Some of these I thought were funny but some were very disturbing.
It’s very effortless to find out any topic on net as compared to textbooks, as
I found this piece of writing at this website.
My biggest, biggest pet peeve is cutting my time. If I have a 90 minutes massage, I want 90 minutes. I had one therapist only go 70. And I don’t like therapists that are unreliable and cancel at the last minute. One lady canceled an hour before a massage because her son had a soccer game and she couldn’t make it. Really? I also had a therapist who announced 1/2 price massages for a week because it was Obama inauguration week. Really? Doesn’t she think that might be offensive to some of her client base? Not listening to me is a big one. When I saw my quads or hamstrings hurt, don’t spent 30 minutes on my feet! I’ve actually had many therapists enter without knocking, but I usually get on the table fast, so that one is not a big deal for me, but it would be for other people.
But they are a lot more than just indications of
individuals. Tens are the full fruition or completion of a cycle.
Both way you look at it, only you are responsible
for your current and long term.
Excellent web site you’ve got here.. It’s
difficult to find excellent writing like yours nowadays.
I truly appreciate people like you! Take care!!
This is a very helpful list. I may look at it again in the future. The only complaints I take issue with here are those of the therapist refusing to massage in a particular part of the body. I have had male clients get indignant with me when I won’t massage the buttock area, or the hip area without underwear on. Even when their intentions aren’t at all sexual (in some cases they clearly are pushing it but other times they might have an injury) I have a right to define my boundaries and some people find this difficult to accept. If they don’t like it, they go elsewhere for a massage. I’ve got plenty of other clients.
I’m a massage therapist and I have no problem massaging those areas on men. It’s my job regardless of the gender. I would be upset if I was your client as well.
I think that half of these reasons are a joke. Some I can understand, but so many seem to be the clients own personal issues. Having a glob of cream on your arm to dip into is a great way to use cream rather than oil and not have to remove your hands to re-up. Falling asleep in the massage is common and what, is the therapist supposed to jostle you awake? People are babies.
Thanks for your feedback on the article. While many of the items on the list are just simple annoyances and mistakes that we human beings make, the point is that if you are not mindful and make many of the smaller mistakes repeatedly you will probably lose the client. Small mistakes can have a cumulative impact on your clients reaction to you. As for the MAJOR Infractions, some of those are clearly unforgivable. People and not babies, they are consumers and they can go to another therapist if we are not on top of our game. As for the glob of cream on the arm, that is a hygiene issue.
I SO agree with you. I’m glad someone else thought most of this list was bogus too.
After being an lmt for a year now, most clients are babies. Most of the things on the list are due to the client not speaking up and communicating their needs and wants. They expect us to read their minds. Of you want me to go deeper, SPEAK UP!! Of I talk too much then day something. Of I use too much oil, take a shower after when you get home. Oh, you have to go to work after the massage? Well I’m a professional, of I do neck work, cream will most likely get in you’re hair. Seriously, these people are cry babies. And what is it with women wanting you to focus on their neck but they don’t even put their hair up?? You’re just asking for me to douce your hair with oil. Just shut up, lie down and let me do my job!!
My crystal ball says you will not have longevity in this profession.
She has the same opinion as I do and I’ve been massaging for 6 years, with a full clientele 🙂
your comment made me feel that there still is some hope for me! I find a lot of the list really silly and requiring nothing more than a clients participation in their experience: saying what their preferences are.
Yes!!! I so agree.
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Hi Jill. I’m not very experienced at blogs, so I hope this reaches you.
I have been going to the same massage therapist every 3 weeks for about 4 or more years. It has gone very well, for the most part, although I’d always wished she’d massaged my back in a different way, which I’ve mentioned several times to her. In the last 6 months though, I seem to be getting less and less of what I need. I have mentioned things several different times to her about my needs, but it is not changing. I’m starting to wonder if her age and strength are becoming a factor and it’s an ability issue on her part. She’s around 70.
As a comparison, I went to another therapist recently. It was amazing. I got exactly what I asked for and what I needed. I went back to my other therapist one more time to give a fair comparison and chance. I made sure to ask for specifically what I wanted. I did not get it.
SO, I have decided to end my relationship with her and start going to the new one. My original therapist has been in her own business for many years and provides a wonderful service to many people. She is very knowledgable in many areas of the body. Based on all that, I just don’t know how to tell her. I am struggling with it. Do you have any suggestions for me?
Thank you!
Wow. This list is absolutely ridiculous. Many of these can easily be address by the Massage Therapisy but there’s many of these that are WAY over the top. “I felt something drop on me” uh, maybe that was OIL!
“Their teeth were not taken care of” WHAT!! I have horrible teeth due to growing up poor and can’t afford to have perfect teeth. Sounds like that person is very anal. Honestly, I’m extremely offended by a lot of these as a massage therapist.
one to add – having the therapist’s dog pushing and sniffing at you as you walk through the foyer of their house to get to the massage room.
I also wanted to comment on the negative reactions to some of these points raised, especially the attitude that clients just need to speak up and say what they want. For people who are not used to being assertive about their own needs and boundaries, especially if there is a background of any sort of abuse, it can be incredibly difficult to do that: to even know what you want let alone to ask for it or set boundaries in any way. Or you may be able to do it a couple of times but if the therapist doesn’t seem to respond to your requests or slips back into massaging the way you asked them not to, you just give up and let them do whatever they want – which can be physically painful and also mentally traumatic. It took me quite a few attempts and many bad experiences of massage before finding a therapist who accepted those difficulties and was prepared to work with them in a constructive way. I think it is very important to keep checking in with the client and to be open to spending time discussing their needs and not just focusing entirely on the physical aspect of the massage. (I’ve only just come across this blog and looking forward to reading more about your holistic/integrative approach).
Hello, I that currently a massage therapy student. Thank you for creating this list and sharing that helpful detail of your interview process! I was wondering if there is a direct way that I can get an idea of a client’s preferences early on, besides empowering them/asking questions throughout the massage. For example, would it be appropriate to ask them to briefly describe their ideal massage or list any preference they have so that I can try to accommodate early on? I would appreciate any suggestions you have about this. Thanks!
Are you kidding me? you invested time in creating a list of 100 things to address (why 100? why not 99? or 73 ?) more like tried to find all kinds of stuff to fill the number…
and a lot of this stuff is contradictory ” he talked too much” “he did not talk enough” …are you kidding me?
I like the industry..but a lot of people have extremely stupid expectations
like some people expect a therapy to be 100% pleasure AND 100% efficient in actually making significant and beneficial changes to the myofascial system
there is just too much contradictions and hypocrisy in people’s heads because of this “mcdonalds” mentality…what things of value are achieved without stoicism? if you even know what that means.
you can not have maximum stoicism and maximum hedonism at the same time
Thanks for the feedback, Don!
Great reasons! THANK you for sharing! I have to laugh when I think of things I encountered myself . You made me think and laugh Thankyou! 😁